Positives- I can express emotions!
Negatives- I don't feel too good.
So, still getting over this break up it seems. It doesn't feel too good being at home. I miss having someone to talk to that is going to say something interesting back to me. Bothering people on Facebook doesn't quite cut it. It definitely doesn't feel like a real interaction. My parents love me, they're always around, but again, that's not the same. Often it's a negative! Friends are few, far between and very busy with their own lives.
I'm still waiting to hear back from the universities that I really want to get into. I can't imagine my amateur hour portfolio will impress Glasgow and Goldsmiths is prestigious- no place for my lowly academic history. We will see. My proof of character stuff was pretty damn strong but I don't know how true to life it is anymore.
I despise this environment. I'm not too happy with my ability to make it better. The girl I was with was an inspiration to me (not just because of love but because of actual real life things that she did/was able to do) and I don't have that here. Things are so boring and uninspiring. It's as though I can feel the positive mindset and skills that I learned from her falling away and that's terrifying to me. Letting go of a relationship is one thing but losing the good things you strived for is another.
I want another chance to feel worthful and a part of something and I'm afraid of what will happen to me if university denies me that chance. I am not confident in my ability to survive another year of drudgery, nevermind my ability to find something better for myself in the meantime.
What a hole. It feels like I'm losing my mind. BUT, at least I can express emotions and the future isn't closed- just in purgatory. I can't stand that but who knows, something good could happen.
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